Bluetooth Fannypack 1, Git Sum 0

Bluetooth Fannypack pulled off our biggest and dirtiest taunt of the season so far on Wednesday, emerging victorious for the third time. Our taunt record remains flawless at 3-0.

After assembling the opposition in front of the party tent, we unveiled its contents to an unsuspecting crowd. Flames shot in to the air, beerachutes were deployed, and the bass was bumping from the BtFp Boombox as team members spilled out of the tent chanting the BtFp battle cry. We formally challenged Git Sum to a party-off, and they gladly accepted, taking a jello shot from the mega-fannypack as they entered.

Inside, the smoke machine was going, the disco ball was spinning, and the beer was flowing. Everyone was dancing, and BtFp wasted no time getting naked and pouring beer and water on everyone inside. Git Sum were definitely good sports; most stayed in the tent for the duration of the 90-second party and didn't complain when we rubbed our bodies on them in inappropriate ways.

The party abruptly ended and we kicked everybody out, revealing "Got Sum" written on all our bodies. Everyone cheered, and another victory was handed to Bluetooth Fannypack.



The game itself was much less organized than the taunt. Scottie earns MVP this game for sliding into every base he encountered and making an amazing out at first base -- he dove to reach the ball, and while on the ground was still able to kick the base with a foot while clutching the ball like a madman. Git Sum's defense proved to be too much for us, and also when robotic legs kick kickballs over your head in the outfield all bets are off. Final score: Git Sum 13, Bluetooth Fannypack 5.

We celebrated with an impromptu dance party on the field with Git Sum and Tha Tang.

An Open Letter to Git Sum!

Think you can hang? I bet you do. Bluetooth Fannypack is bringing it to the kickball diamond this Wednesday. We're bringing it LARGE. Prepare to be rocked.

WKL 2008 Opening Day

The weather sure didn't cooperate, but all teams involved made up for it with some incredible taunts, inappropriate costumes, synchronized dance routines, many adult beverages, and of course top-notch kickball.

Best match-up of the day had to be Danger Moustache v. Ball Deep. The score flip-flopped nearly every inning. Floyd kicked a home run every at-bat. Barry played in a weighted bra and a mumu and still slid into every base. The last play of the game saw Danger Moustache fall 17-16, and, adding injury to insult, Floyd's knee blew out as he attempted to field the ball. Condolences and congratulations all around.

Best taunt of the day goes to Git Sum, who declared war on Awesomtown!!1! complete with flaming spears, jousting bicyclists, masked marauders, and a tiny drum kit.

My favorite moment of the day came when the Comptroller came up to kick for Awesomtown!!1! with his adding machine and sizable pile of folders and files in hand. He nailed a line drive, dropped all his shit and just went for it, leaving a trail of ticker tape in his wake. It was beautiful.

Sex Move brought back the synchronized dancers and Bluetooth Fannypack brought back the shiny silver soundsystem. WKL 2008 is going to rock.

Bluetooth Fannypack 1, Pirates 0

Another game, another win for Bluetooth Fannypack.

For their taunt, the Pirates tried Mindy and Andy, found them to be guilty of crimes against fashion, and sentenced them to guzzle grog. Andy accepted his fate with grim enthusiasm, while Mindy nearly vommed (she's not a big fan of rum).



Matt Hodge worked like a hero to get the improvements on last year's sound system ready by taunt time, but sadly he lacked the tools and we had to make due with a tiny stereo amplified with a megaphone. What's another name for pirate treasure? Booty. What's a better name for booty? Fanny.

You think that you're a pirate,
Bluetooth Fannypack don't give a shit,

You think you'll steal our booty,
But we're gonna steal your cuties,

We're gonna Bluetooth fanny pack ya,
Roll right up and attack ya,

Our cleats are gonna stomp ya
And our tooth is gonna chomp ya

Then we'll take you to the lake-ah
And make you walk my plank-ah

Well you think that you're so smart
But all your booty does is fart

Take a look at your map and chart
The Fannypackers got much heart!

There's only one place you could pillage
What do they call it? VALUE VILLAGE!

When they see us roll, they hate,
Bluetooth Fannypack 2008!

Sam rocked the mic while the rest of us shook our booties like nothing. Even without our monster sound system we still emerged victorious. BtFp remains undefeated!

As for the kickball game, the Pirates found all our holes, kicking balls barely over the outfielders' heads and lobbing drives just inside fair territory time after time. MVP this game is Mindy, who survived a kickball to the face between 1st & 2nd and also caught a kicked ball above her head for an out in the 2nd inning. Final score: Pirates 23, Bluetooth Fannypack 8.

Bluetooth Fannypack 1, Darkside 0

That's right, Bluetooth Fannypack started the season off strong, severely out-taunting the Darkside to put the first of many taunt wins under our belt — er, strap, I mean. Matt Carthum played George Lucas with aplomb, and his call came through loud and clear through my technologically advanced Bluetooth headset, inquiring as to whether BtFp would be interested in a starring role as Sith kickball lords in his latest film. What was even more clear to Mr. Lucas, however, was Bluetooth Fannypack's response to his query. Team members opened up their fannypacks, dug around, and what do you know—everyone had a middle finger in there for George and his idea. Our trusty keytar proved to be not so trusty (time to replace the batteries on the old girl) but our team had no problem dancing like idiots without it.

Darkside countered by outfitting their entire team in mismatched fannypacks, claiming that theirs were "analog."

The game itself was full of yelling, kicking, catching, scoring, swearing, and one gigantic mud puddle at home plate. Because of this, umps were being fairly liberal in calling runners safe at home, especially if they managed to slide into the puddle (which at least one Darkside player did, rather spectacularly). One of the more exciting outs of the game involved a blistering line drive delivered by a Darkside kicker straight at the pitcher's mound. BtFp's captain was standing on the pitcher's mound at the time, and with little time to react, I had no choice but to catch the ball with my face. My Bluetooth headset went flying, but the kicker was out. MVP this game goes to my face.

Oh yeah, final kickball score: Darkside 8, Bluetooth Fannypack 3.

What's in Your Fannypack? (Part 2)

&y:

• Several very important phone calls
• Tequila

What's in Your Fannypack? (Part 1)

Jim:

Mine will be filled with the defeated, dread filled essence of all of our conquered rivals. These sullen and disembodied souls forced to toil in lakes of burning acid endlessly piling high mounds of gold, silver, and booze, spoil from the battlefields of kickball upon which few are mad enough to tread. This mountain of treasure will be topped with a gilded throne upon which sit 22 dark and twisted warriors with 22 enchanted bluetooth headsets who rule the kingdom with an iron hand administering defeat and ridicule to whomever crosses their path... also skittles.

They Have Arrived

The Bluetooth Fannypack logo

It's a little dirty. It's a little ugly. It's wholly inappropriate.

Team Names Announced!

I don't know the specifics on which team is which, but team names have been announced on the WKL website.

Git Sum!
Darkside
Pirates
Awesomtown!!!1!
Beyond Thunderdome
Danger Moustache
Ball Deep
Bluetooth Fannypack
Tha Tang
Love Move!

Lots of exclamation points this year. I'm happy to report that out of six exclamation points and five intentional misspellings (you meant to spell 'mustache' that way, right DM?), BtFp is responsible for zero of them. Our gimmicks and hi jinx may be zany, but our spelling and grammar are legit.